Submitted by: Fangy
Three vampires went into a bar and sat down.
The barmaid came over to take their orders.
"And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"
The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The third vampire shook his head at his companions
and said, "I will have a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light."
Seems just before Halloween there's all these posters up about an all-you-can-eat supper for all the vampires in the area. One vampire wants to go, but his buddy warns him not to..
They spend the evening elsewhere and decide to swing by after it's over. Sure enough, there's dead and dusted vampires everywhere. Seems the first vampire was right. There was garlic in the blood pudding, holy water in the punch, hidden stakes in the salad bar, etc.
The second vamp turns to the first and said, "How did you know?!"
The first vamp replies archly,
"Don't TELL me you've never heard of
..Buffet, the Vampire Slayer!"
Submitted by: Andrew
Two nuns are driving through the Transylvannian countryside one night when a little vampire jumps onto the bonnet of the vehicle, hissing viciously and showing its ominous fangs. The alarmed driver immdeiately switches on her windscreen wipers but the fiend clutches more tightly to the windscreen, its hisses become more frightening with each second. Now terrified, the nun switches on her window washers, spraying holy water at the vampire. But to no avail - the creature refuses to budge.
"Dear God", says the one nun to the other, "how can we get rid of this vampire?".
"Show it your cross!", screams the other.
So the nun winds down her window, leans out and shouts at the vampire, "GET THE FUCK OFF MY CAR!!"
The blood-spattered vampire bat returns to its cave after a night of hunting. The other bats, realising that their companion must have fed well, gather excitedly around. "Wow, where have you been feeding?", they ask, "we've had nothing to drink all night!".
"Nowhere .. nowhere", stammers the bloody bat.
"Of course you have", they insist, "you're covered with blood". "Show us, show us!" they plead.
Reluctantly he leaves his perch and flies out into the night, followed by his companions. After a few minutes he calls out "You see that big tree over there?"
"Yes! Yes!", reply the other bats in unison, preparing themselves for the feast.
"Well, I didn't"